Christmas With Your Host Family: What Au Pairs (and Families) Should Expect

For many au pairs, the first Christmas abroad is the strangest part of the whole year. It's the first big holiday away from your own family, and you spend it inside someone else's traditions. Some days it's wonderful and some days you'll feel homesick. Here's how Christmas works in the most popular au pair countries, what to agree with your host family before December, and how to make the most of it.

First: Agree on the Holiday Plan in November 📅

Most Christmas problems between au pairs and host families come from assumptions nobody said out loud. The family assumes you'll stay and help. You assume you're flying home. Or both of you assume the other one will raise it. Have the conversation in early November, before flights get expensive, and cover:

• Are you going home, travelling, or staying? If you want to fly home, book early. Flights around 23 December and 2 January are often the most expensive of the year.
• Which days are you off? Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day / St Stephen's Day and New Year's Day are the ones to agree on explicitly. Count them against your holiday allowance or not, but put it in writing.
• What about the school holidays? When the kids are home all day for two weeks, the weekly hour limit in your agreement still applies. Ask how the family plans to cover the extra hours: grandparents, a parent taking leave, or a holiday camp.
• Family gatherings: guest or on duty? If you go with the family to the grandparents' house, are you a guest or are you watching the kids? Both are fine. Not knowing which one is what causes trouble.
• New Year's Eve. If the parents want you to babysit while they go out, that's a request rather than an obligation. Agree on it in advance, and treat it as extra hours or swap it for time off.

If you're still choosing a family, ask about Christmas during the interview. Add it to the time-off section of our interview questions template. The answer tells you a lot about how a family thinks about your time off. Add whatever you agree to your au pair contract.

How Christmas Works Around Europe 🎄

The biggest surprise for many au pairs is that the main day differs from country to country. In some countries it's 24 December, in others the 25th, and in some the big gift day isn't in December at all.

🇩🇪 Germany & 🇦🇹 Austria: Christmas Eve is the main event

December starts early: Advent calendars, an Advent wreath with four candles lit one Sunday at a time, and Christmas markets with Glühwein in every town square. On the evening of 5 December the kids put their boots out, and on the morning of the 6th they find them filled with sweets from St Nikolaus. In Austria and southern Germany, Krampus (St Nikolaus's scary companion) appears in parades around the same time. The kids will love telling you about him.

The real celebration is on the evening of 24 December (Heiligabend). Gifts are opened that night, often after church or a simple dinner. In many families the gifts are brought by the Christkind, not Santa. The 25th and 26th are both public holidays and quiet family days. Read a day in the life of an au pair in Germany for what the rest of the year looks like.

🇳🇱 Netherlands: Sinterklaas comes first

In the Netherlands, the big gift night for young children is 5 December (pakjesavond), when Sinterklaas brings presents, often with funny poems and chocolate letters. From mid-November the kids leave a shoe out by the fireplace for small treats. Christmas itself (the 25th and 26th, called first and second Christmas Day) is more about food and family. Many families do gourmetten, where everyone cooks small portions of meat and vegetables on a tabletop grill. Expect to be invited.

🇪🇸 Spain: the season lasts until 6 January

Spanish Christmas is long. It unofficially starts on 22 December with the Christmas lottery (El Gordo), which the whole country watches on TV. Nochebuena (24 December) is a big late family dinner, and on Nochevieja (31 December) everyone eats twelve grapes at midnight, one for each chime of the clock. Practise beforehand, because it's harder than it sounds.

For many families the main gift day is 6 January, when the Three Kings (los Reyes Magos) bring presents. On the evening of the 5th there are parades (cabalgatas) where the kings throw sweets to the crowd, and on the 6th everyone shares a roscón de Reyes cake. Ask your family when they plan to give you time off, because "the holidays" in Spain can mean the whole period from 22 December to 7 January. More in a day in the life of an au pair in Spain.

🇫🇷 France: le Réveillon

French families celebrate with a long dinner on the evening of 24 December, the Réveillon. It can include oysters, foie gras, smoked salmon and a bûche de Noël (a chocolate log cake) for dessert. Père Noël usually brings the children's gifts during the night, so they're opened on the morning of the 25th. In January, look out for the galette des rois: whoever finds the small figure (the fève) hidden inside wears the paper crown. See a day in the life of an au pair in France.

🇮🇹 Italy: Vigilia, Natale, Santo Stefano and La Befana

Many Italian families keep Christmas Eve (la Vigilia) meat-free, often with a fish dinner, especially in the south. Christmas Day is a long lunch with the extended family, and the 26th (Santo Stefano) is another public holiday spent eating leftovers and visiting relatives. You'll be offered both panettone and pandoro, and people have strong opinions about which is better.

The season ends on 6 January with La Befana, a kind old witch who fills children's stockings with sweets. Children who misbehaved get "coal", which is actually black sugar candy. More in a day in the life of an au pair in Italy.

🇮🇪 Ireland: Christmas Day and St Stephen's Day

In Ireland the main day is 25 December. Santa visits overnight, and the day itself is turkey and ham, crackers, paper hats and far too many sweets. The 26th, St Stephen's Day, is for visiting relatives, watching horse racing, or going for a walk to recover from all the food. Some brave people go for a Christmas swim in the Irish Sea. 6 January is Nollaig na mBan (Women's Christmas), when women traditionally get a day off. See a day in the life of an au pair in Ireland.

🇵🇱 Poland: Wigilia

Polish families gather on 24 December for Wigilia, a meat-free dinner that traditionally starts when the first star appears in the sky. Before eating, everyone shares a thin wafer (opłatek) and exchanges wishes. Many families prepare twelve dishes, and an extra place is often set at the table for an unexpected guest. This year, that might be you.

Gifts: What's Expected (and What Isn't) 🎁

For au pairs: you're not expected to buy expensive presents. Small gifts for the kids work well, like a book in your language, a toy or sweets from home, or something you made together. For the parents, a card with a handwritten note means more than anything you could buy with your pocket money. Food from your home country is always a hit.

For host families: most families give their au pair a gift, and many put a small stocking or present under the tree for them so they're included on the day. Some give a small cash bonus or an extra day off. None of this is required, but it's remembered. An au pair who feels part of Christmas comes back from the holidays happier and more settled.

If You Feel Homesick 💙

It's normal, and it often hits hardest at Christmas, even for au pairs who've had no trouble the rest of the year. A few things help:

• Schedule the call home. Agree on a time with your family back home, ideally at the moment of your own tradition, and tell your host family so you can step away.
• Bring your tradition with you. Cook a dish from home for your host family or teach the kids a song in your language. Most families love this, and it turns you from a guest into someone who contributes to their Christmas.
• Plan something with other au pairs. A Christmas market evening, a "friendsmas" dinner on the 27th, or New Year's Eve together. Other au pairs in your city are going through exactly the same thing.
• Say something. Tell your host family you're missing home. Good families will make space for it rather than take it personally.

Not Everyone Celebrates Christmas

Au pairs and host families come from every religion and none. If you don't celebrate Christmas, you can still enjoy the food, the markets and the time off without taking part in religious services. Just let your family know what you're comfortable with. If you're a host family, ask your au pair about their own holidays (Hanukkah, Orthodox Christmas on 7 January in churches that keep the old calendar, Diwali, Eid or Lunar New Year) and give the same flexibility you'd want for yours.

A Quick Checklist for Host Families

• Raise the holiday plan by early November so your au pair can book flights at a reasonable price.
• Keep school-holiday hours within your agreed weekly limit, and plan cover before the holidays start.
• Tell your au pair which family events they're invited to as a guest, and which ones you need help at.
• Explain your traditions in advance. "We open presents tonight, not tomorrow" is obvious to you and not to them.
• Include them on the day with a small gift, a place at the table, and a seat in the family photo.

If your au pair only arrived recently, our host family first-month handbook covers the rest of the settling-in period.

Thinking About Next Year?

Many families start looking for their next au pair in January, after seeing over the holidays how much difference the help makes. Many au pairs also decide over Christmas where they want to spend the next year. If that's you, create a free profile and start talking to families now. Au pairs never pay anything on DearAuPair. You can also browse au pair life in Germany, Spain, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Ireland, Austria and Poland.