Au Pair Host Family Handbook: What to Expect in Your First Month

You've matched with an au pair — congratulations. The first month sets the tone for the entire year. Here's what to expect week by week, from airport pickup to the moment it clicks.

Hosting an au pair is unlike any other childcare arrangement. You're welcoming a young person into your home, your routines, and your family life. The first 30 days are when trust is built, expectations are set, and both sides figure out how to live together. Get these four weeks right and the rest of the year tends to take care of itself.

Week 1: Arrival and Settling In

The first few days are about making your au pair feel safe, welcome, and oriented. They've just left everything they know — their family, their friends, their language, their food. Everything is new. Your job this week is to reduce the overwhelm.

Airport pickup or train station meeting. Be there on time. Hold a sign with their name if you haven't video-called enough to recognise each other. Bring the kids if they're old enough — it breaks the ice immediately. If your au pair is arriving after a long-haul flight, keep the conversation light and let them decompress.

Tour of the house. Show them their room first. Give them the WiFi password and a house key right away — nothing says "you belong here" like having your own key on day one. Walk through the kitchen, point out which shelves are theirs, and show them how the washing machine works. These small things matter more than you think.

First dinner together. Ask about dietary preferences and allergies before they arrive, but double-check in person. Cook something simple and eat together as a family. This is the first real moment of shared life.

Walk them through the neighbourhood. Show them the grocery store, the pharmacy, the nearest bus stop, and a park where they can go when they need fresh air. If your city has a good transit app, help them download it.

Set up a local SIM card or phone plan. They'll need data to navigate, translate, and call home. Don't make them figure this out alone on day two.

Give them 2–3 days before starting full duties. Jet lag and culture shock are real. Let them unpack, sleep, and adjust. If they arrived on a Saturday, Monday morning is soon enough to start a gentle introduction to the routine. Throwing them into full childcare hours on day one is the fastest way to burn out the relationship before it begins.

Week 2: Building the Routine

This is when structure starts to form. Your au pair needs clarity, not guesswork.

Start with a shadow period. Have them watch you with the kids first — how you handle mealtimes, bedtime, tantrums, screen time. Then gradually hand over tasks. "Today I'll do the school run and you'll watch. Tomorrow you'll do it and I'll be in the next room." This builds their confidence far more than a list of instructions ever could.

Write down the schedule visually. A whiteboard on the fridge works brilliantly. Block out their working hours, the kids' activities, mealtimes, and free time. When it's visible, there are no misunderstandings about when they're on duty and when they're off.

Be explicit about house rules. Don't assume anything is obvious. Shoes off inside? Curfew on weeknights? Can they have friends over? Are they welcome to use the car? What about laundry — do they do their own or throw it in with the family's? Spell it all out. If you haven't already, now is the time to go through your au pair contract together point by point.

Back up your au pair in front of the kids. Children will test boundaries with a new caregiver — that's completely normal. What matters is that you visibly support your au pair's authority. If your four-year-old says "you're not my mum, I don't have to listen to you," step in calmly and make it clear that the au pair's instructions carry weight. Undermine them once and you'll spend weeks rebuilding their confidence.

Daily 5-minute check-in. At the end of each day, ask: "How was today? Anything confusing? Anything you'd do differently?" Keep it casual — over a cup of tea, not a formal meeting. These small conversations prevent small problems from becoming big ones.

Week 3: The Wobble

Almost every au pair goes through a difficult patch around day 10–14. Homesickness hits. The novelty has worn off. The reality of being far from home, speaking a second language all day, and caring for someone else's children starts to feel heavy. This is normal. It even has a name in expat psychology: the "culture shock dip."

Don't panic. Don't take it personally. If your au pair seems quieter than usual, cries after a phone call home, or retreats to their room more often — that's not a sign the match is failing. It's a sign they're human and adjusting to a massive life change.

Give them space and time. Encourage them to call home whenever they need to. Help them find other au pairs in the area — local Facebook groups, au pair meetups, or language school classmates. Having friends who understand exactly what they're going through makes an enormous difference.

A small gesture helps. Buy them a transit pass so they can explore the city on their days off. Take them out for coffee, just the two of you, without the kids. Ask them about their hometown. These moments of genuine connection remind them that they're not just staff — they're part of your family.

Most au pairs come out the other side of the wobble stronger and more settled. The ones who don't are usually the ones whose host families didn't notice or didn't care.

Week 4: Finding the Rhythm

By the end of the first month, the routine should feel more natural. Your au pair knows the school run, the kids' quirks, where the plasters are, and how your toddler likes their toast cut. You're starting to trust each other.

Have a proper sit-down conversation. Not a casual check-in — an actual conversation where both sides share honestly. "What's working well? What isn't? Is there anything you'd like to change?" Be ready to hear things you might not expect, and be willing to adjust.

Adjust hours or tasks if needed. Maybe the morning routine needs to start 15 minutes earlier. Maybe they're better with the toddler than the older child, or vice versa. It's much better to adapt early than to let resentment build quietly on either side.

Plan something together. A weekend day trip, a family outing, or even just cooking a meal from their home country together. Shared experiences outside the daily routine are what turn a functional arrangement into a genuine relationship. The families who treat the au pair year as a cultural exchange — not just a staffing solution — are the ones who stay in touch for decades.

Common Mistakes Families Make

Even well-meaning families can stumble in the first month. Here are the patterns that cause the most friction:

• Treating the au pair as invisible help, not a family member. If they eat alone, aren't invited to family outings, and only interact with you when you need something — that's not a cultural exchange, it's domestic service. Include them.
• Not giving enough free time. Most European au pair programs cap working hours at 25–30 per week. Not 40. Not "whenever we need you." Respect the limits. Your au pair needs time to study, socialise, and recharge. Overworking them is the single fastest path to a failed placement.
• Expecting perfect childcare from day one. They're learning. They're 18–25 years old, often caring for children in a language that isn't their first. Be patient. Give feedback, not criticism. They'll get better every week if you support them.
• Not having a written contract. A handshake agreement leaves both sides vulnerable. Use a proper au pair contract template that covers hours, pocket money, holidays, notice periods, and house rules. Put it in writing before they arrive.
• Forgetting they're young and far from home. Your au pair is likely 18–25 and living abroad for the first time. They'll make mistakes. They'll feel lonely. They'll miss their mum's cooking. A little empathy goes a long way.

Making It Work Long-Term

The first month is a foundation. If you build it well — with clear communication, realistic expectations, and genuine warmth — the remaining 11 months tend to flow. Your children will have a role model from another culture. Your au pair will grow in ways they never expected. And your family will gain a connection that often lasts far beyond the program.

If you're still in the matching phase, our guide on how to find the right au pair covers what to look for in profiles and interviews. And for a full picture of what hosting costs in practice, see our 2026 au pair cost breakdown.