How to Find the Right Au Pair: 7 Tips That Actually Work

The matching process is where the au pair program either thrives or struggles. A good match leads to a fulfilling year for everyone. A poor one creates stress for the family, the au pair, and most importantly, the children. Here's how to get it right.

1. Know Your Non-Negotiables First

Before you start browsing profiles, write down what you absolutely need — and what you won't compromise on. Location, language, experience with specific age groups, and driving ability are common ones. Being clear upfront saves everyone time.

2. Think About the Children's Needs, Not Just Your Own

Babies and toddlers require someone comfortable staying home and following a routine, while older children need a confident driver for various activities. If your au pair is very active and energetic, caring for a newborn may not be the best fit.

3. Ask Real Questions in Interviews

Having no questions during an interview can make you appear uninterested. Come prepared with specific, meaningful questions — and if you're an au pair, use the children's actual names rather than referring to them generically.

4. Talk to Their Previous Family or Caregiver

Some families will have their current au pair join the interview process. If not, ask if you can speak with a former caregiver — it's one of the best ways to understand what daily life with that family or that au pair is actually like.

5. Prioritize Personality Fit Over Location

You and your host family don't need to be exactly the same, but your personalities do need to work together. A good location means nothing if the daily relationship doesn't function well.

6. Be Honest About Your Household

Matches that fall apart usually do so because expectations weren't set honestly from the beginning. Be upfront about your schedule, your children's temperaments, household rules, and what a typical week looks like.

7. Trust Your Instincts

If something doesn't feel right, or one of your non-negotiables isn't being met, it's okay to say no. There are plenty of other families and au pairs out there, and the right match is worth waiting for. And remember — au pairs should also watch for red flags in host families before committing. The vetting process goes both ways.

Want to start browsing? Create a free DearAuPair profile — no agency intermediary, no rushed matching. You can also explore host countries or read our complete host family guide.