8 Red Flags Every Au Pair Should Watch For Before Saying Yes

Most au pair horror stories — and there are a lot of them — could have been avoided in the first three messages. Here are the warning signs to watch for before you sign anything, book a flight, or move into a stranger's home halfway across the world.

1. They Refuse a Video Call 📵

If a family won't get on a video call before you commit, walk away. You need to see their faces, hear their voices, glimpse their living space, and meet the kids on screen. Anyone who insists on text-only communication is hiding something — or isn't real. Real families are excited to meet you.

2. The Working Hours Don't Add Up ⏰

Watch for vague answers about hours. "It depends on the week" usually means "60+ when we're stressed." Get a number in writing. The legal max in Germany is 30 hours. In France it's also 30. The USA caps it at 45. If a family casually mentions "around 50", that's not a misunderstanding. That's the offer.

3. No Private Bedroom 🛏

A private bedroom isn't a luxury — it's a legal requirement in nearly every au pair program in the world. If a family says you'll "share with the older kid" or "sleep in the living room until we figure it out," that's not a host family. That's free labor in someone's spare corner. End of conversation.

4. They Pressure You to Decide Fast ⚠️

"We need an answer by tomorrow." "Several other au pairs are waiting." "If you don't sign now, we'll move on." Real families understand this is a year of your life. They expect you to take days, ask questions, talk to your parents, and think it through. Pressure tactics are a sales technique, not a relationship.

5. They Won't Sign a Contract 📝

No written contract = no protection. The contract should specify your hours, days off, pocket money, vacation, language course contribution, and responsibilities. If a family says "we don't really do contracts" or "we'll figure it out when you arrive," they're either inexperienced or planning to change the deal once you're trapped abroad.

6. Their Story Keeps Changing 🤔

First they said two children. Now there are three. First they said you'd help with light housework. Now you're cooking dinner every night. First they said evenings free. Now there's "just one weekly babysitting." If the deal keeps shifting before you've even arrived, imagine what happens once you're in their home.

7. They Want You to Pay Them 🚩

This is the easiest red flag of all. You should never pay a host family for anything. Not for "registration." Not for "background check." Not for "visa processing." Not even for the flight up front. If a family asks for money in any form, it's a scam — and unfortunately a common one. Block, report, move on.

8. They Won't Connect You to Past Au Pairs 👥

Any family that's hosted before should be able to connect you with at least one previous au pair. Ask. If they say "we've never had one before" that's fine — but if they say "we have but you can't talk to them," ask why. Sometimes the answer is innocent (the previous au pair finished and moved on). Sometimes it's not. Trust your gut.

What to Do If You Spot a Red Flag

Don't argue. Don't try to fix it. Just walk away. There are thousands of host families looking for au pairs — you don't owe anyone an explanation, and you don't have to settle. The right family will be patient, transparent, and excited to meet you. Anything less is not worth a year of your life.

How DearAuPair Protects You

Every host family on DearAuPair has to verify a payment method before sending their first message — that alone screens out the worst scammers. Profiles are reviewed. Reports are taken seriously. And contracts are built into the platform. Create your free profile and message families directly — you're in control the whole way through.